Planes, Trains & Automobiles
(Travel Trauma)
The Tale of Flatulent Frank
Rich -- Wayne, NJ (6/8/2006)
Our group has been traveling to Myrtle Beach to play golf for about 10 years now. Some of the faces have changed over the years but the majority of us have remained intact. One of our one year wonders was a friend of one of our regulars who filled in for someone at the last minute. His name was Frank. Frank drove down to our meeting place, met the rest of the guys and stepped into the van for the glorious drive to Myrtle. We were about 3 hours into our 12 hour drive when Frank felt comfortable enough with us to open up. We had just stopped for dinner at a Chinese buffet in Virginia and as we all reloaded into the van, Frank broke some news (along with some wind) to us: "I should have told you guys that Chinese food gives me gas!" Well as you can imagine the next 9 hours in the van proved to be more challenging to us than True Blue from the tips and it earned him the moniker of "Flatulent Frank." As the rest of our 6 day golf crusade unfolded we learned that Frank got gas from from all forms of food except for fruits and vegetables which he refused to eat because he didn't like them. On the last day of our trip we always pack up the van and head north for an early morning round before driving back to New Jersey. This chilly morning in February we were heading to the Pearl. We had just finished the Golfers Special at the Plantation Pancake House and set out for the course. We were unsure of the exact location of the course so I took out my treasured Myrtle Beach golf map that I had counted on for years. My copilot, Charlie, in the front seat was plotting the route as we turned onto highway 179 when all of a sudden and without warning we were overcome with the toxic fumes of "Flatulent Frank." Charlie took the role of the emergency response team and opened all the windows to the van. As the windows opened my map immediately flew out the window. As I watched my trusty guide through the rearview mirror disappear, I looked back up at the road ahead. The car in front of me had stopped and I had to jam on my brakes to barely avoid a collision. Keep in mind that all of our luggage was stored in the back of the van because we were headed home after the round. Well now we had bags, shoes, golf balls and Myrtle Beach souvenirs flying into the front seats and pelting us! As I brought the van to a safe stop at the side of the road we all took a moment of silence to compose ourselves and to thank God that we were safe. It was also the time that Frank was voted off of the island for good! We survived that trip and many more since. I can not help to think how I would have explained that accident to the police: "Well officer you see Frank farted, Charlie opened the windows, the map flew out and............." Needless to say Frank was never welcomed back with us and Lt. Dan who had invited him was given a 1 year suspension. We have shared many laughs and much fellowship on our golf trips to Myrtle Beach. I have many other stories but this one just "reeks" of humor and "Flatulent Frank."
(Travel Trauma)
The Tale of Flatulent Frank
Rich -- Wayne, NJ (6/8/2006)
Our group has been traveling to Myrtle Beach to play golf for about 10 years now. Some of the faces have changed over the years but the majority of us have remained intact. One of our one year wonders was a friend of one of our regulars who filled in for someone at the last minute. His name was Frank. Frank drove down to our meeting place, met the rest of the guys and stepped into the van for the glorious drive to Myrtle. We were about 3 hours into our 12 hour drive when Frank felt comfortable enough with us to open up. We had just stopped for dinner at a Chinese buffet in Virginia and as we all reloaded into the van, Frank broke some news (along with some wind) to us: "I should have told you guys that Chinese food gives me gas!" Well as you can imagine the next 9 hours in the van proved to be more challenging to us than True Blue from the tips and it earned him the moniker of "Flatulent Frank." As the rest of our 6 day golf crusade unfolded we learned that Frank got gas from from all forms of food except for fruits and vegetables which he refused to eat because he didn't like them. On the last day of our trip we always pack up the van and head north for an early morning round before driving back to New Jersey. This chilly morning in February we were heading to the Pearl. We had just finished the Golfers Special at the Plantation Pancake House and set out for the course. We were unsure of the exact location of the course so I took out my treasured Myrtle Beach golf map that I had counted on for years. My copilot, Charlie, in the front seat was plotting the route as we turned onto highway 179 when all of a sudden and without warning we were overcome with the toxic fumes of "Flatulent Frank." Charlie took the role of the emergency response team and opened all the windows to the van. As the windows opened my map immediately flew out the window. As I watched my trusty guide through the rearview mirror disappear, I looked back up at the road ahead. The car in front of me had stopped and I had to jam on my brakes to barely avoid a collision. Keep in mind that all of our luggage was stored in the back of the van because we were headed home after the round. Well now we had bags, shoes, golf balls and Myrtle Beach souvenirs flying into the front seats and pelting us! As I brought the van to a safe stop at the side of the road we all took a moment of silence to compose ourselves and to thank God that we were safe. It was also the time that Frank was voted off of the island for good! We survived that trip and many more since. I can not help to think how I would have explained that accident to the police: "Well officer you see Frank farted, Charlie opened the windows, the map flew out and............." Needless to say Frank was never welcomed back with us and Lt. Dan who had invited him was given a 1 year suspension. We have shared many laughs and much fellowship on our golf trips to Myrtle Beach. I have many other stories but this one just "reeks" of humor and "Flatulent Frank."
